secrets don't make friends

scarlett always says that...and i kinda feel the same way. it's just the thought i had over the weekend. it seems that we so often want to cover things, imagine they aren't or weren't and maybe if that's so, then there are no lasting effects...

well, i hate to tell ya honey, just because you don't talk about it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. nor does it mean life isn't altered in some way. you see, God's design for our lives entails change. i am not in agreement with this. but it has not affected how He rules. so i am learning to lean into change.

i am strongly of the opinion however, that in order to deal with things, we must talk about them. it is the way i approach the social work i do. if we can't talk about the problem, how in the world can we talk about the solution?

in proverbs it says whoever tries to hide their sin won't prosper. but if you confess and renounce it, mercy comes. mmmmmm.....need me some mercy. yes i do. but in the same book of proverbs, it says that whoever covers over an offense seeks love. covering. hiding. secrets. i need to understand.

should we put them together? if you confess and renounce your part of the wrong, things will go better...but if after confession is made, efforts at amends have been made, and you continue to hold it against folks, you become the problem.

on the other hand, in life there are problems and issues that must be brought into the light so that they can be solved. Jesus is the Light of the World. we are bearers of that same light. but it must first shine in our hearts, exposing our darkness, preventing crud from growing in the dark and the dank....then His Light in us shines for others to see and clearly walk. but we must be careful how we bear this light...Jesus gently exposes people's wrong. including the woman caught in the act of adultery. don't be walking around like a light saber. you ARE the light. little "l." don't shrink from facing truth, but remember "such were some of you. but you were washed. you were sanctified. you were justified in the Name of the Lord." i corinthians 6:11. Jesus did it. you did not.


sometimes folks need to hear our secrets, our hidden things...because in the telling they understand that we are not so different after all. they find the courage in our telling to bring their transgressions to the Light at the foot of the great Cross, allowing the precious blood of Jesus to cover once and for all their shame.

some secrets are meant for the tellin'.

regarding rolly pollies

i've been out in the front flower beds today. trying to be still. not very good at it. so while i am digging in the dirt and pulling weeds, the beloved rolly polly shows up. a couple of them. suddenly i am in albertville, alabama, outside the kitchen door in the flower beds at my aunt marjorie's house. i remember how as a little girl i was fascinated by these little crustaceans. don't know many children that are not. and fireflies.

and then He spoke to me. in the way that only He can...because He knows what speaks to me. the sudden calmness i felt as i travelled back in my heart to the comfort and security of aunt marjorie's and uncle orris' home was my perception alone. while i was busy in the flower garden playing with bugs, adults were inside worried. discussing with one another what was best for my future. they fretted and prayed over the fact that my parents were for whatever reason unable to "get it together" and take care of my brother and me. they were stressed. i was not. they were planning. i was just being. they didn't ask my opinion. they didn't even ask for a suggestion from me. they knew the best route was determined through prayer and discussion between grown folks. i hadn't a clue.

so today as i ponder the next place to put my foot down...as i struggle because i don't know what's next...God's not really asking my opinion. He is satisfied to allow me to play with the rolly pollies in my flower bed. i would just be in His way anyway. you see, i didn't even have enough where-with-all to know i needed help. i was just a child. it's a little different today. but God's not. the same God who helped my aunt and uncle make decisions for my life will help me and do what is best for me.

do you get what i am saying? cause i can't really put it down like it's resounding in my heart. as a child, i didn't even understand there was a concern. the direction for my life was being determined while i played in the flower bed. there was no effort in the trusting, it jus was.

Jay said "trust." is it any easier for you than it is for me? 'cause it's real tough right here right now.

going all out....

kind of a "me" sort of thing. if you know me. i really don't do much half-way. except maybe clean my house. not building or remodeling...just cleaning. it's a struggle. i admit.

but that's not the source of my thought today. today it's the words from it is well with my soul ringing in my heart: "my sin--oh the bliss of this glorious thought--my sin NOT IN PART but THE WHOLE is nailed to the cross and i bear it no more! praise the LORD, praise the LORD oh my soul!!!!" not sure of the commas and hyphens and i am notorious for using them incorrectly...but mercy!! what an excellent thought, comforting truth, redeeming action! all of it. ever last one of my sins was nailed to the cross. not mine anymore. Jesus didn't pick and choose what He would forgive me of. or you. He just forgave. it's true for you too. you bear it no more. well if you do, it's of your own choosing. sometimes we kneel for His forgiveness and still carry the guilt. not so. not necessary. all of it. a - l - l of it.

Jesus was extravagent in His actions. left the glory of heaven...walked among us His very creation, submitting Himself to our lives...then was seperated from God...suffered the ultimate sacrifice. extravagent.

so what does that demand from me? a - l - l of me. if i get excited about it, well, just chalk it up to being forgiven and free. lay it to the account that my past sins don't forge my future. why even my heritage changed. i come from a long line of alcoholics, narcotic addicts, and mental illness...but none of that has a hold of me. do you blame me if i get excited?

if you watch me when i sing, words like that above will get me wound up and animated. they will get you wound up to. if you will let them. did last nite at church. wow. wow. wow. "...and i bear it no more!"

praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul. it is well......

wounded deeply

some time ago my cousins-across-the-pond john and sharon creitz and i were sitting on their front porch as john was sharing how God had recently pulled him out of a huge hole. that nite john shared a beautiful quote with me that is yelling in my heart tonite. seems a.w. tozer said, "whom God would use mightily, He first wounds deeply." yeah. me too. say what? how does that make sense? i guess the same kind of sense that first you must be empty to be filled (see last nite's blog). you know. last = first, least = greatest, and the list continues. no sense. none at all. hurt to be used? if it's just the same with You, God, i'll sit in my little corner and do my own thing and not be used if it involves so much pain. i mean, don't most folks want to use perfect instruments? precise tools? i dunno.

the toughest part of a tree is where a knot has formed in the beautiful way that nature covers over a wound. bones fused together are also stronger at that point i guess. but it's bulky and twisted and mis-shapen. and unattractive. He had no form nor beauty that we should be drawn to Him. despised and rejected by men. a Man of sorrows and friends with grief. men hid their faces from Him and esteemed Him not. but it was for my transgressions He was brutalized. for my evil ways He was punished. for my tortured mind He suffered greatly in order to bring me the peace that has held me all my life. His flesh was left in ribbons so that i could experience healing of mind, body and spirit. isaiah 53.

it wasn't very pretty. but it was beautiful. it was a wounding like no one ever had known or will ever know. God from God was seperated from God. nope. i don't get it. but i need it.

so i'm feeling pretty wounded lately. hurt beyond my ability to understand or comprehend. and have been throughout my life in many ways. but so have you. i don't have a corner on the market.

but i want to beautiful and strong...and well, i don't make up the rules and this is how it works. so i bring my empty vessel once again to You, o my King and Redeemer. i need to be filled. healed. i'm scared. and hurt. i trust that You are not a God who changes. so do it again in me, Lord. use me mightily. because You have wounded me deeply. it doesn't go with my theology. that woundin part. so, i'll just leave it there if that's ok with y'all tonite. i do know that wounds come, and if He can use anything....well. if He can use ?anything? well. if He can. then He can use me.